MAWsicle melting in Portlandia

My name is Melissa, and I'm 19. If there is one thing you should know, it's that I just really love turtles and I have an obsession with creatures with smashed faces. Boston Terriers and Pugs especially.



An anime convention saved my life. I will never forget that. Because of that, I will be getting this hammer tattooed on me in the future to remind me that I'm a fighter. I consider Lavi Bookman from D. Gray Man to be my alter ego.
I have 2 tattoos. My first one is on my knees.
The second is an autism ribbon on my upper arm
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So I’m definitely thinking about getting an anime/manga related tattoo.

And before you say “that is a really stupid idea”, let me say why.

Anime has been a huge part of my life for the past 5 years of my life.  And I’ve been going to cons for about that long.  And this latest Kumoricon that I went to really, almost quite literally, saved me.

I know how incredibly cheesy that sounds.  But never in my entire life have I felt so accepted, so loved and appreciated in my entire life.  I had been dealing with a lot of crap recently and while I didn’t want to admit it, I wish, and wanted, to die.  I hated myself more than I ever had before, more than I could bear.

But then a guy randomly hugged me.  He said that I looked sad, and that he wanted to make me smile, that I deserved to smile.  His face paint was starting to wear off from his sweat from how hot it was, but when he held his arms out for a hug I wanted to cry.  Here was a complete stranger, who knew nothing about me, who just wanted to make me smile, and he did.

After that it’s like everyone who was a fan of Lavi(my cosplay) had found me.  They hugged me, they asked for pictures, they squealed with joy when they saw me and I had a countless amount of people shout “Lavi, I love you!”.  A little later I had found a glomp circle (for those who don’t know, a glomp circle is where there is a circle of people.  There are a bunch of people in the middle and each of them spin a bottle.  Whoever the bottle opening is pointing to in the circle they go and glomp them.  Whoever is glomped then goes in the circle, and the process is repeated).  I sat back and watched for awhile, smiling at everybody. People were saying things in the circle and people were responding.  One of them caught my attention:

Cosplayer: Hey guess what!

Group: What?

Cosplayer: Guess what?

Group: What!

Cosplayer: *looks directly at me* I think Lavi needs to join the circle!

At that the entire group cheered, and some people beckoned me to join.  I couldn’t help but laugh, to smile, and I joined.  I was glomped, and I glomped people, and people were so happy to see a Lavi and I just wanted to cry.  I was so happy.  I was so so fucking happy.

It’s then I realized that, had I continued on the path that I was on not ten minutes before, I might have committed suicide.  Or thought very seriously on it.  But I saw how many people were happy to see me who seemed to like me and wanted me there and they were strangers, complete strangers, and something hit me.  I had realized that the people here had quite possibly saved my life.

By the end of the day I had sort of decided that I want to sort of dedicate this new “life” or whatever to anime, or have some sort of me be forever apart of me.  I’ve decided on, most likely, getting Lavi’s hammer tattooed on me.  I don’t know where or when, but someday I like to believe that it will happen.

For me, the hammer will remind me of a beautiful, amazing, and hilarious character.  But, it will also remind me that I can overcome whatever happens to me.  It will also symbolize being a fighter, and being somebody who survived.  It most likely will be on the side of my

So yeah.  Anime saved me.  And maybe to some people that sounds stupid.  But I don’t care, because I’m better now.  

I’m better.

Tagged: #Lavi #anger #anime #depression #hammer #kcon #kumoricon #sad #suicide #tattoo #manga

12:02:00 @ 9/6/2011
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